Things NOT To Say When Hanging Tree Lights

 Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of the three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship? The other two danger zones are teaching your mate to drive and wallpapering.

Things NOT To Say When Hanging Tree Lights:
  • "You've got two red lights right next to each other, goober. You're supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue -- not yellow, red, red, green, blue..."
  • "Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try."
  • "What on earth do you do to these lights when you put them away every year? Tie them in knots?"
  • "Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I'm going to fry that sucker."
  • "Give me that."
  • "You've got the whole thing on the tree upside-down. The electric pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom, not up at the top."
  • "I don't care if you have found another two strings, I'm done!"
  • "You've just wound 'em around and around -- I thought we agreed it shouldn't look like a spiral this year?"
  • "Have you been drinking?"
  • "Where's the cat?"
  • "If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse than your father."

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